As I sit on the shore watching water striders dance on the lake, a breeze carries the sweet smell of a Black and Mild cigar, giving her away. I turn just in time to catch her sneaking around a tree, ready to pounce in my direction. Her laugh fills the air and makes my chest swell with emotion. She sits beside me and brushes my windswept hair behind my ear; her lips meet mine. They are soft and warm and she tastes like clove chewing gum; her cheek is cold beneath my hand and I am overwhelmed with a desire to be closer to her. She snakes her hand into mine and her fingers fit perfectly between my own as if they were meant to be there all along.
“I love you so much,” she says. Her smile is bright and playful. It makes me feel as if I am returning home after a long trip.
“I love you even more,” I reply. Watching her smile grow wider, I run my hand through the dark curls of her hair. She leans into my touch and closes her eyes. The sun is low in the sky and it shines on her face accentuating the freckles that sit on the top of her cheeks. The wind whistles through the pine trees and she opens her brown eyes and looks up at me. In the sun, they glow a brilliant amber and I find myself consumed by her beauty.
She gets up and runs towards the forest, motioning for me to follow her. Leaving my shoes behind, I comply. The pine-covered ground is soft beneath my feet and a childlike joy makes me giggle as I chase after her. She darts between trees and hops over blueberry bushes, my camera hangs around my neck and bounces against my chest as I leap and bound behind her. Reaching out, my hand reaches her shoulder, and turning quickly, she puts her hand on my waist, spins me around and pulls me in close to her. We dance to the song that plays in our heads and the trees seem to sway along, their branches conducting a symphony played by locusts and bull frogs.
With her hand in mine, I lead her back to the lichen-covered boulder that sits at the edge of the lake. The cool waves lap against our feet as we lay beside each other and watch the sun sink behind the mountains. While she isn’t looking, I snap a photo of her. Her cinnamon skin glows under the lingering sun and I can’t help but feel as if all the magic in the world is hidden within her.
As the first stars begin to make their appearance against a deep blue sky, she nestles her face into my shoulder. Her breath is hot and steady against my neck and I can’t seem to get close enough to her. The wind blowing through the reeds grows colder.
The silence between us becomes deafening, as creatures in the woods begin to call out to each other. A pit of worry settles in my gut and I know that I have to tell her soon. As if reading my mind, she picks her head up.
“Whatchya thinkin about?”
I know that I have to tell her and I want to, I really do, but the words don’t come to me. Looking down at her with my mouth open and thoughts flooding my mind, I know that she is worried. She paws at my arm.
“Are you okay? Baby what’s wrong?” Her voice rises and I can feel her heart beating faster against my ribs. My breath grows shallow as the words fly through my head like startled birds in a cage.
“I just, ugh –” a lump sits in my throat seeming to hold the words captive. Her eyes widen and her face shows concern.
“Did I do something? Come on talk to me, ya know you can talk to me about anything, right?”
“Yeah of course I do I just – I don’t wanna upset you.” She traces my knee with her finger and I can feel the tears building up in my eyes, threatening to spill. She sits up abruptly and I can see the tears have already reached her cheeks.
“If there’s something going on with us I need you to just tell me.” Her voice cracks and I feel something in my chest drop hard into my stomach. I pull her into me and kiss her forehead.
“No, no, no I just–” I take a deep breath “I just don’t think that I can stay in this place for two more years.”
The silence fills the air and the knot in my stomach grows larger. I feel the tears spill over and my cheeks start to burn as the wind catches them.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper. “I don’t want to be without you.”
“I don’t want to be without you either.” The tension sits heavy in the air and the moisture on our cheeks blends together and sits on my neck and chest. “You have to live your life and I don’t wanna be the one that holds you back.”
“You’re not holding me back. You’re the one who makes me want to get better; I want to be so much better for you.” She sniffles and rests her head on my chest. A barred owl calls out from the woods and the bull frogs continue to sing their songs. Uncertainty lies all around us but the world continues to turn.
My name is Fin and I wrote this story about my lovely girlfriend. I enjoy petting cats, playing music, and long walks through the forest.